found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
