My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I got inside last night via doggy door
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
