hotel room ftw
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
