how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
