she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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