Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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