honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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