so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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