1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
