If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
