I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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