remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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