i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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