i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
