Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize