i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
