you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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