I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
