My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
