whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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