Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
