have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
