I cannot find my penis.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
