he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
