you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
