Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
