bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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