oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
