i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the condom got lost in my hair
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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