I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
