How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize