Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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