I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
