How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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