Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
