apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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