Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
