I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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