I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
