I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm like, not good at living.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
