So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You need a sexual gate keeper
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
