3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize