I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The Olympian is in my bed
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
