uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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