So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
