I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
