maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
