I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
