dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
