chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
