I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
