we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
