I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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