Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
