I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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