I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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