So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
