Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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