i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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