My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
