Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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