just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
