I love black thongs
i jhust puked up my retainher.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My balls are so social today.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
