someone get that fucking seahorse.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
