if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
