I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
