I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
