So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
