Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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