Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
