You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
