God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
