shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
