There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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